The Fungi Chronicles: My Dance with Jock Itch in Panama

Disclaimer: Caution, dear reader! The proceeding tales of rash adventures in the tropical paradise of Panama might leave you itching with laughter or, quite possibly, recoiling in delicate dismay. For those with sensitive dispositions or an aversion to the weirdly grotesque, consider yourselves duly warned.

Over coffee this morning, I got to wondering about the heat here…

The temperature here in Panama for the past 80 days (that’s how long we’ve been here now) has been somewhere between 75° and 91°. When we lived in Tennessee, we didn’t think twice about turning on our central air to cool things off throughout the entire house when it got warm. We could get into our air-conditioned car and run to a comfortable, air-conditioned grocery store. And most places that employ people have central air conditioners running all the time.

Throughout Panama, most people only have an air conditioner in their bedroom. And that’s where we’ve been. Both homes that we’ve rented have had an air conditioner in the bedroom. That means sitting in the warm air in front of a fan all day. When it rains, it will cool down a bit. But most of the time, it’s hot. I am not quite acclimated to the warm temps, and I’m not used to sweating all over my body all day. A person can only take so many showers a day!

Okay, what’s my point, you’re asking? After weeks of sweating my ba**s off, I noticed a huge, red, and itchy rash that had developed between my scrotum and upper thigh – on both sides. I guess my cotton underwear couldn’t absorb the gallons of sweat that that area was producing.

Being curious, I Googled my dilemma, and here’s what I found:

“Jock itch is a fungal skin infection that causes an itchy rash in warm, moist areas of the body. The rash often affects the groin and inner thighs and may be shaped like a ring. The condition is also called tinea cruris. Jock itch gets its name because it’s common in athletes.”

Mayo Clinic

When I mentioned this to my lovely sweating wife, she said, “Oh dear. I have a remedy for that.” She told me her dad had the same problem working in a factory all day. 

“Your dad had jock itch working in a factory?” I laughed. 

She said her mother had the perfect remedy for her dad’s sweaty balls that I should try. She took one of my socks and filled it with cornstarch. “Just pat yourself down and do that anytime you’re sweating down there.” So, I followed her recommendation. Believe it or not, the rash started dissipating in about a week.

But, I was still curious because jock itch is a fungal infection. I got on Amazon and asked them about a jock itch solution, knowing that Amazon can cure anything! Yes! They have the miracle cream! Un-ball-ievable! It’s a cream called “Happy Nuts” and turns into a powder once it’s dry. I received my Happy Nuts yesterday, and now I’m singing that Happy song… because I’m happpppyyyyyyy. (See video below and sing along with me!)

As a side note, the instructions on the tube of Happy Nuts say: “Optional: do a happy dance to help dry faster.” So, now I’m happy, and I’m dancing!

Otra taza de café, por favor (another cup of coffee, please)?